The New World

A thought from JFK... (aug 26)

"I'm here at the airport at New York and I feel very unsettled. I just treated myself to a Tall Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks. $4.64. There was the Cinnamon Dolce Latte or the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. I got the one with "Skinny" in the name figuring it would have less calories or something like that.

Who am I? I'm trying to find a reflection of me, a piece of me somewhere in this airport. I can't. So I feel as if I need to redefine myself to fit in here. I browse the bookstore. All those magazines- beautiful women, dieting schemes, how to get the moisture back in your hair. Do I need this stuff? I fear. I'm going to be living in this world now, but how? I don't really know who I am here, but I figured I'd do the best I could to take a step in the right direction. I take refuge in the bathroom. Those big scary mirrors. I throw on some makeup and brush my hair. It's a start. I walk out trying to exude confidence and poise. Like I belong here.

I sit for a while, just people watching. They are not so talkative, these travellers, most so serious, exhausted. I'm feeling invisible. No one is staring at me or greeting me. Even all the security workers seemed a bit taken aback when I smiled at them. The people pass and I wonder about them, who they are. I wonder who they think I am. I college kid? A worldly traveller? A confused, odd, mousy girl? Who am I kidding, no one has even glanced at me. They don't care. Refreshing in a way, up until now everyone I come across pesters me until they find out everything about me. But also unsettling. I'm so alone.

Or am I? A man in a faded pastel golf shirt and a baseball cap wheels his luggage by. From the back I swear he could have been my father. Suddenly my stale emotion subsides and I'm choked up. Moments later I'm jubilant. Dad. What a great guy. See you soon."